Here's sharing with you the article I wrote for Youngblood -- Philippine Daily Inquirer published last February 2001:
I was 20 back then, and have never fallen in love (for real)...
Love is in the air. Cupid is in business once again. Everywhere I go, the shade of red dominates the surroundings. People would have a certain twinkle in their eyes every time a love song is played... I guess Valentine's Day is fast-approaching.
It's considered a special occasion for a lot of people--couples, to be specific. Every pair of lovers would once again make a big deal of the time some would brand as the "holiday of hearts."
Well, not for me. February 14 this year would be an ordinary day for me, as it has always been for the last few years. Truth is, I've never had a Valentine all my life--ever.
Don't get me wrong here--I'm not someone to be pitied on. I guess Cupid hasn't hit me with his arrow yet. Maybe he has not yet found the perfect match for me. But hey, I've been out on a Valentine's date once--last year--but it wasn't for the reason that it was Valentine's Day; it was just for the sake of going out. No big deal.
For the past few years, every time the Day of Hearts comes near and knowing that I don't have someone to celebrate it with, I would tell myself, "Oh well, there's always next year. Maybe this year, Cupid's arrow would finally hit me, and match me with the Prince Charming I've always wished for. Maybe then, I would be able to celebrate Valentine's Day with someone, and it will not be an ordinary day anymore..." I guess that's the same thing I would tell myself this year.
I really thought I would be able to spend Valentine's Day with someone for the first time this year. You know what I mean--celebrating it with the guy I like (or maybe even love), candle-lit dinner in a fancy restaurant, beautiful bouquet of flowers, chocolates... Well, I guess I was wrong.
Do you want to know the reason why?
It was around the same time last year that Cupid's arrow hit me. I met someone. I thought that he was the One. We became good friends. He would call me almost everyday. He would visit me at home. We even went out a few times.
It was because of him that I felt like a typical young lady. He treated me so sweetly. He made me feel special. He was always there for me.
It was because of him that I began to believe in love. He made me realize that love does exist.
However, we never really talked about "us." I don't know if he likes or loves me. I don't know if he was just playing with my feelings. I don't know if he sees me only as a friend--and nothing more.
It was late last year that he stopped calling and texting me. Whenever I ask him why, he would always tell me it was because of work. I believed him, but later on, I started to doubt his reason. It took awhile, but it finally dawned on me that he didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore.
I guess it's over. The Prince Charming I thought I nearly had, turned out to be a frog after all.
I have no regrets about having met him. I don't regret having spent precious moments with him. I will always treasure him, and the friendship we built along the way. The only regret I have right now is that I never told him how I felt, and never asked him what went wrong.
I have not yet heard his side of the story. I guess I may never hear it, unless he would muster the courage and find the time to tell me.
Some of my friends had warned me about him. They told me not to completely believe him because he tends to juggle more than one woman at a time. In other words, they thought he was a player.
I know they meant well when they told me that. I believe my friends, knowing that they'd do almost anything so I won't get hurt. But then, there was a small part of me that was still hoping they might be wrong about him. Even now, I cannot truly say that I'm almost over him--not yet.
Yesterday in school, a good friend mention something that made me realize the guy is really a player. She told me of a conversation her boyfriend had with an ex-girlfriend of the guy I like. To make the long story short, she told my friend's boyfriend of the same things that my friends warned me about him.
Did I get hurt when she told me that? Just a little. Now, the hurt is gone, although not completely. But I know it will be washed away from my system sooner that I think.
So, I guess Cupid must have missed me last year when he tried to hit me with his arrow. Looking back, I would like to think that there was a reason why Cupid's arrow missed me. Had it hit me, I would probably be spending my first Valentine's Day with a frog I don't deserve.
It's not the end of the world. This year, like I have always done in the past years, I will be spending Valentine's Day with the people I truly love: my family and friends.
Oh well, there's always next year. Maybe next year, Cupid's arrow would finally hit me, and match me with the Prince Charming I've always wished for. Maybe then, I would be able to celebrate Valentine's Day with someone, and wouldn't consider it an ordinary day anymore...
That was 9 years ago. Now that I'm with the Prince Charming I truly deserve, every day feels like Valentine's Day. :)